How To Start Over When You Feel Lost

here's my process

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“I’m listening to the podcast featured on Amazon Music today (5/15/24), "Starting Over," and it is breaking my heart open. All that you have expressed here is exactly the place I am in. I feel so scared, overwhelmed, unsure, and lost. My life for 45 years has been about other people.

I am writing to ask your advice for 1 - 3 things I may do consistently to build my confidence, self-awareness, and resolve in becoming who Spirit decided to show up as in me”

The above message is from one of my listeners that really got me thinking about the journey to freedom in my own life. At 45, I feel younger than ever and often joke that I'm aging backward. However, I can empathize with her feelings of being lost, unsure, and scared because I've been there myself.

Rather than just responding to her directly, I wanted to use my platform to share my thoughts with everyone, as I know many people can relate to what she's going through, regardless of their age.

When I turned forty, I felt like something was missing in my life. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I knew I wasn't happy. I felt stuck, particularly in my marriage. Despite teaching women around the world how to find freedom, I didn't feel free in my own life. I was lost, and unfulfilled, and my biggest fear was that if I didn't make a change, I would slowly wither away.

Once I became self-aware of this, I struggled with the internal question: what are you going to do? It was terrifying because I knew that facing my truth would completely disrupt my life.

Doing the Work is Hard

I understand why many people suppress their feelings because doing the work is hard. Facing yourself and honoring your truth while processing negative feelings is overwhelming. It’s easier to hide behind sex, drugs, food, procrastination, and alcohol—anything that distracts you from feeling your big feelings and healing from the past.

But then there's another group of people who start to feel their feelings and can't shake it. They decide to do whatever it takes to free themselves. This was where I was. I knew I had to feel my way through.

Feel Your Pain

I had to confront my emotional pain and sit with it, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. It stemmed from my decision to end my marriage and brought up intense emotions. Despite feeling overwhelmed, I trusted my friends' reassurances that I would be okay. I realized that facing this pain was necessary for me to move forward. It was this emotional pain that pushed me to take action and make progress.

I knew that if I could heal from past wounds, I could overcome this too. When I turned 40, I had a wake-up call and didn't want to go back to feeling lost and stuck. I was determined to keep moving forward and not fall back into old patterns of unhappiness.

Find Your Community & Resources

I relied on my close friends, therapist, and community for support. I'm incredibly grateful that they never grew tired of listening to me and allowed me to be open and honest about what I was going through. They provided a safe space for me to express my feelings and kept encouraging me that I would overcome my struggles.

In addition, I found solace in podcasts, YouTube videos, journaling, and reading books.

Three books, in particular, were especially helpful to me:

• Untamed by Glennon Doyle

• Available by Laura Friedman Williams

• The Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware

Each of these books played a significant role in supporting me during my journey and helped me stay grounded.

Don’t Disappoint Yourself Ever Again

Every time you're giving a choice, every time you're given a choice between disappointing someone else and disappointing yourself, your duty is to disappoint that someone else. Your job throughout your entire life is to disappoint as many people as it takes to avoid disappointing yourself. ~Untamed by Glennon Doyle

I realized I could no longer neglect my own needs just to please others. I had been doing that for too long, and it had left me feeling drained. The most difficult part was knowing that my decision would disappoint my kids and break their hearts.

Despite this, I accepted the reality and still chose to prioritize myself. I can honestly say that both my kids and I are better off for it, even though it has been a challenging journey. I knew I only had one life to live, and my children deserved the best version of me. The only way they would get that is if I left my marriage.

My journey hasn't been easy, but I would make the same choice a hundred times over to be where I am today. Learning to prioritize myself has made me more confident and self-aware. It's not something that happens overnight; it takes time. I firmly believe that everything always works out, and I can say that confidently because I have come through to the other side. Everyone's path is different, and if you're feeling lost in your own life, I hope my story can be a good starting point for you to find your way.

I'll leave you with the same listener who sent me a follow-up DM after she listened to the episode...

Hi Siobhan, your response to my question on the podcast was awe-inspiring and very difficult to hear. It resonated with what my heart knows, which a philosopher once said is the way to recognize the truth of what we already know. Given that you've made it to the other side of this journey, I am encouraged to get started. Thank you, again, for hearing me and making me feel seen. I'll continue to listen to the podcast to increase my courage and feel all the feels. Sending you Love and Divine Light and praying for your continued success.

This is why I’ll continue to share my life with my community, we all just want to feel seen. I see you, and I am rooting for you.

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Subscribe and listen to this week’s episode of my podcast.

You can also subscribe and listen on Spotify | YouTube | Amazon Music

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In what ways have you had to start over in your life? What’s one piece of advice would you share with others?

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I am deeply passionate about my work and am committed to empowering others to achieve freedom. 

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Things Worth Sharing…

• I am on my second bag of the Strawberry Coated Almonds from Trader Joe’s. They are so so yummy! Check them out here

• I am reading all about love by belle hooks and I understand why this book is a classic.

• “It is your light that lights the world.” ~Rumi

• I watched Bridgerton Season 3 and it was so good. While I waited I decided to rewatch Queen Charlotte. It’s even better the second time watching it.

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What I am Vibing To…

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With love and light,

Siobhan