Getting To Know Myself For The First Time in my Forties
My identity has shifted and every part of my life feels unfamiliar
I am forty-three, and I do not know myself.
I am experiencing an identity shift, and it feels like I am seeing myself for the first time.
My life has drastically changed over the last three years, and I am a different woman.
I am no longer a wife
I am living on my own for the first time
I am not defined by my work with BeFree Project
I am mothering two amazing teenagers
I am building a relationship with my mother
I loc'd my hair
And with all of the changes, my life feels unfamiliar because it is.
In 2020, I started to see that my life did not feel the way I imagined it would feel at that point in my life.
My life did not feel fulfilling or free. I felt caged and stuck.
The feelings were so intense that I could not avoid them any longer.
The last three years have been the most difficult years of my life, and there were many times when I questioned if I was gonna be ok.
It's hard to choose yourself when choosing yourself may hurt people you care about. And yet I decided to be brave and do the hard thing over and over again.
My identity shift started when my mother apologized for the choices she made when I was a child.
I actually felt the shift in my body.
I knew I was no longer the same person, and I would have to get to know who I was now that I wasn’t defined by my mother's wounds.
I've grown and discovered a lot about myself since then. Then two weeks ago my identity shift started again, once my divorce was finalized.
This identity shift feels different and yet the same.
Once again, I am getting to know this new version of myself, no longer defined by the roles I played in my life.
2023 is my year of curiosity, and I am excited to get to know myself and begin living the life I want to live, a life of freedom.
I was at Trader Joe’s ( my favorite grocery store), and while walking in the produce section, it dawned on me that I didn’t know what type of apples I liked.
Usually, I grab whatever apples I see in hopes that they're sweet. On this particular day, I decided to buy three single apples, Fuji, Gala, and Honeycrisp so I could figure out which apples I really liked.
I ate a different apple each day, and I discovered that I don't like Gala apples. I’ve been buying Gala apples for years, but only by trying them amongst the other two, I realized it wasn’t my top choice.
As I am getting to know myself, this requires me to unpack every part of my life and decide what’s true for me and what isn’t.
I am both excited and curious about this new space I am in because I finally get to decide who I want to become without someone else’s input.
I've had many conversations with both men and women and what I notice is that many people are not living the lives they want because they don't who they are.
I encourage you to check in with yourself, explore your values, beliefs, thoughts, ideas, and feelings, and make sure you're getting to know yourself on a deeper level.
In today’s podcast episode, I share how I am getting to know myself now in my forties and some of the epiphanies I am having.
You can subscribe and listen to today's episode on Spotify, Apple Podcast, YouTube, and Amazon.
I would love for you to DM me on Instagram or comment below and let me know your thoughts about today's episode.
With love and light,
Siobhan
Let’s chat: Do you feel like you know yourself? Why or why not?
If you were inspired by today's email, and want to be kind and show your support, I'd be delighted for you to treat me to a cup of coffee. Thank you!